The moment I found out our Eliza was gone, I was faced with a choice. I was either going to embrace God and all the comforts of His word, or I was going to turn my back on him and let anger consume me. I knew that what we were about to experience was more than I was able to handle alone, and with that in mind, I very purposefully turned toward God.
Now, I’m not going to pretend that I didn’t have questions and anger. I did. I was consumed with questions. Why? How? What? Is this real? Am I dreaming? Where’s God now? I remember laying in bed and letting these questions race through my mind. And then I started praying. As my husband woke me on the morning I had to go to the hospital to begin the longest three days of my life, I lingered in bed. I buried my face in my pillow after my husband walked out the bedroom doorway, and I uttered this simple prayer: “God, carry me through this. I can not do this. Please carry me.”
As the next three days unfolded, I clung to this prayer. I surrendered myself to the idea that God would carry me and deliver me through this painful ordeal. I was weak, both mentally and physically. I was exhausted. It was okay. I didn’t have to be strong. God was right there with us, in the room with us. Offering us moments of laughter through the tears and comfort in our sadness. We were never alone.
When Eliza finally made her appearance in this world, I felt the overwhelming peace wash over me that only God’s love can offer. When the sweet women from Sufficient Grace Ministries prayed with us, I felt God’s warmth and peace with us. He was there. We were never alone.
And in the days after, more sweet reminders of God’s grace and love made their way to us. Through our friends and loved ones, kind cards and mementos that arrived in the mail, and acts of kindness and sympathy from total strangers, I felt the power of God’s work being done through us.
So when I found a new doctor to care for me and our sweet rainbow baby, I was again blessed by God and his infinite wisdom to provide us with just what we need. A sweet and dear friend recommended a particular practice, and so I called to arrange an appointment. When I met with my new doctor, my heart felt at ease. Her office was decorated with powerful scripture, a cross, and framed family photographs. My heart filled with hope once more. This sweet doctor’s Christian faith is so strong, that as I cried in her office out of fear, she stood above me, held my hand, and prayed for peace and health for me and our rainbow baby. I have never experienced such a sweet and caring gesture from a doctor. In fact, I don’t know of a single doctor who openly believes in the power of faith. I am in awe of this woman and her powerful conviction.
And as I reflect upon this whole experience, I am reminded that God’s timing is perfect, as is his wisdom, and I thank him for placing me in the care of my wonderful and kind Dr. Devotion.
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