I’ve got blah-blah insurance…

Hey, you! Now that we’re married there are lots of things to get accomplished besides all that lovey-dovey canoodling and that fat stack of thank-you notes. One of those is combining our auto insurance. Sounds pretty boring, right? It is. Don’t kid yourself. This is boring, adult-level torturous shit. At any rate, what’s not boring is that we have been getting ripped off for ages! I’m pricing our new rates as a married couple, and it’s far less expensive than I’ve ever paid in the past. In fact, I’m downright annoyed at the mere thought of all the spoiling I could have done for myself if I had all the overcharged insurance premiums back! Just thinking of my unnamed handbags and shoes brings a tear to my eye and a swear word to my lips.

Single? Higher rate. Auto loan? Higher rate. Not-so-great credit? Higher rate. Just one car? Higher rate. Big boobs? Higher rate. I kid, but seriously, I’m starting to wonder if that’s a possibility…

All these years I’ve been driving at a responsible speed, following all traffic laws, always buckling my seatbelt (You’re welcome, MADD), and keeping my assured clear distance when following the true driving menace, old people in Lincolns and Cadillacs. Despite my strong desire to let many, many a driver know that he is the number one driver in the world, I’ve refrained. I’ve not flashed my high beams or rolled down the window to scream profanities; I’ve even withheld from honking the horn at dimwits when dropping off my kid brother at his middle school with the driveway from hell. I’ve done (and not done) all these things all along, and I’ve still been paying more because I was single, driving a car with a loan and less-than-stellar credit? Shenanigans! Aren’t married people more likely to want to crash their cars into trees? I kid, but that’s what I’ve heard on the streets.

God bless the interweb and Al Gore for inventing it. Now I’m only 13 quotes away from paying as little as possible for our auto insurance. Suck it, premium carriers!

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