Millionaire Matchmaker? Really?

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Today I spent about three hours watching a Millionaire Matchmaker marathon on Bravo. For those unfamiliar with the show, you can check it out at Let me just say, I found something Patti said very troubling. She had a millionairess who was smart, assertive, independent, and aggressive. I thought she was awesome, but Patti said she gave off a very “masculine energy” and that was going to be a problem. I began thinking…what exactly about being a kick-ass lady makes her masculine? Why are women with these traits seen as having a masculine energy?Does that mean these women will attract feminine men?

I started pondering the notion more and more as I sat in wide-eyed wonderment. How can this woman give off a less masculine vibe was the question at hand? Well, I immediately thought she could do all the classic “feminine” behaviors: act dumb, timid, and submissive. After all, Patti, the professional matchmaker, told the client that men find her intimidating and challenging therefore undateable.

I came to several conclusions after I thought about this episode for a while.

First, if women are expected to  work outside the home and be capable of taking care of themselves, they need these traits that are seen as “masculine.” People aren’t nice out there in the world, and a timid, silly sally will get eaten up by the big chompers of society.

Second, why are men intimidated by women who have these traits? Is dumb, timid, and submissive attractive?

Finally, what the hell did my mother do to me to make me undateable…oh yeah, she raised me to be able to take care of myself. Damn her.


2 thoughts on “Millionaire Matchmaker? Really?

  1. Any dating “expert” that informs an independent, successful women that she needs to tone down the traits that made her successful is a moron.

    If she has trouble dating then she’s probably trying to date the wrong men. If they’re intimidated by her then they’re not confident in their own self worth. And if that’s so, why bother dating them at all? Are confidence issues in men attractive?

    If she would instead go for men who have self-confidence and success in their own right, she would probably find they appreciate her traits and mannerisms because they aren’t worried about appearing meek because of her.

    Guys that want a “dumb, timid, and submissive” women likely have some confidence problems of their own and want someone weak around to make them feel better.

    I suppose my opinion can be summed up into: a successful, smart, and assertive women never needs to hide those traits, she just needs to look for a man that is as self-confident, successful and amazing as herself.

  2. Excellent post. In my own life, I have had men tell me that they are intimidated by me. One (ex) boyfriend complained because I never asked him for help with things (e.g. taking the lid off a jar). Apparently, this made him feel that I didn’t need him – seems he thought it was more important to be needed than wanted, and failed to understand the distinction.

    This attitude baffles me. I am a single mother, studying full-time, working part-time, and I have no family support network where I currently live. What am I supposed to do? Sit amongst ever-increasing chaos, boo-hooing, waiting for a man to come and take care of everything? That doesn’t wash.

    Women should be able to take care of themselves. They should be strong and competent and independent…just as men should be. We should be having relationships with people who have qualities we admire…not with people who make us feel less inadequate. If someone, male or female, is so insecure that they can only have a relationship with someone who is inferior enough to make this someone look better…then someone needs therapy, not a relationship. Relationships should only occur between two, strong, independent people.

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